Stronger
by addictedtolove92
Summary: Olivia faces a wife's worst nightmare. O/N


_Author's Note: It's been a while. Too long, really, but here's another one. Enjoy!_

**Summary: Olivia faces a wife's worst nightmare, but somehow, her kids make it better.**

**Stronger**

She's reeling. For her kids, for her family; she's been a pillar of strength giving them words of reassurance, making sure everyone is ok. There's been no room for slip ups and she won't let them see her cry. Not because she's too proud, but because if **she **does they'll all fall apart, she's sure of it. Gloria's been trying her best to stay true to her role of family matriarch but he's her only son and it's killing her. So it's up to Olivia to keep it together.

It's been almost 24 hours since they got the call and Olivia's yet to shed a tear. She probably would've had she not been in the midst of picking up her children from after school care. There's been no room for error, no time for tears—for her. She thanks God that Sammy's too young to process all of this. Although he can feel the sadness and tension in the air and notices the absence of his father, it doesn't take much to distract the little guy. Stella is another story altogether. At five she's very observant and definitely knows when something isn't right—which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't have that outspoken trait she inherited from her father's side of the family. As for Zara—though she's sad, she's been doing her very best to stay strong for her mother. Liv's grateful for that.

Olivia opens her bedroom door and slowly steps inside. She hasn't been in there since the . . . accident . . . and everything is just as they left it. She closes the door behind her and walks over to the chest situated in front of their bed. The large mahogany box is covered with clothes—specifically Nick's clothes. He has a bad habit of throwing his clothing carelessly in every available spot. Suffice it to say, it irritates her. Liv usually goes behind him to pick stuff up and throw them in the hamper—much to his dismay. She didn't get the chance to pick up after him that morning because they were running late, but she did find time to make a huge fuss about it as they were rushing to get dressed which initiated a big, blow up argument about things she now finds highly irrelevant.

Running her fingers through her unruly locks, Liv sits down on that chest next to a pair of Nick's exercise pants and Police Academy hoodie. She sighs and looks down at the object, her free hand finding its way to the old, ratty material. It's lost its once bold black color and is now closer to that of worn gray. And the words 'Police Academy' are chipped and almost unrecognizable. He's had it since his Police Academy days and wears it atleast three times a week for his morning runs. She's tried to get rid of the piece of clothing, even has gone as far as to buy him a few new ones. She's even hidden it from him. He always finds it though, and the hoodies she's finally stopped purchasing for him usually ends up in the back or bottom of their closet.

It's borderline hot in the house and she's wearing a long-sleeved cotton shirt, but she pulls it over her head anyway. It smells just like he does after a long run. Sometimes, he'll come home after a morning run with every intention of climbing back into bed with her for his 'morning delight', but she pushes him off—with a barely there smile on her face—telling him to go and find the nearest shower. Every once in a while she'll surprise him by rolling over and accepting his offer—or rather succumbing to his advances.

Olivia turns around and looks at the unmade bed; his pillow still in the position he left it. She takes a deep, calming breath and swallows back the lump forming in her throat. It's almost too much to be in the room. There's so much _him _in there, so much that she's never really taken the time to notice. In addition to his carelessly thrown around articles of clothing, there's his laptop and iPad, his phone charger and unused wallet, his small collection of wallets and the dog tags Zara gifted to him on father's day, there's pictures, cologne, ties and shoes, and so many memories—good and not so good.

She shakes her head and makes her way to the dresser pulling her hair into a ponytail. Liv looks at herself in the mirror; she hasn't slept in 24 hours, that much is dreadfully clear. As she turns to head to the bathroom, a shiny object catches her eye. Sitting next to Nick's laptop is his wedding band. He usually takes it off when he's due for some undercover operation, so it doesn't really surprise her to find it there. She reaches for it and holds it between her index finger and thumb. It takes everything in her to quell her stirring emotions. She's been holding them in for so long, stalling, steeling herself for the inevitable outpour of tears.

Liv takes another breath as she walks over to switch off the light. She climbs into bed—on Nick's side—his large hoodie still swallowing her body. When the first tear escapes her eye, against her will, her face is buried in her husband's pillow, arms wrapped protectively around it. For dear life she holds onto it, as if it's a lifeline, as if it's the only connection she has to her husband. Uncontrollable sobs finally wracks her exhausted body. She's glad, though. It's taken so much strength, so much control to keep herself composed and emotions at bay. For the time being, she's tired of being the strong one, she wants to get it off her chest, and right here, in her bedroom, is her only place of solitude, the only time she has to let it all out.

She doesn't hear the screeching of the door as it slowly opens or the pitter patter of two sets of feet walking into her bedroom. When she does realize she has visitors, it's too late. The bedside lamp is on and Zara and Stella are standing on her side of the bed staring into her tear-stained face. By now there are streaks and streams of tears rolling down her cheeks. Her nose and eyes are red and puffy and there's no need to try and dry them. The two clever little girls staring into her eyes already know.

"Mommy?" Stella whispers climbing onto the bed.

Not waiting for a reply, Stella crawls over to Olivia and wraps her arms around her.

"Stella, mommy's sad," Zara says realizing her mother has nothing to say.

"I know," the little girl replies. "Maybe a kiss will make it better."

Stella inches closer and presses a soft kiss on her mother's nose. Olivia shuts her eyes tighter and more tears escape. As Stella is pulling away she stretches out her arm and rests her hand on the back of the child's head.

"Mommy?"

Liv draws a shaky breath. " . . . I'm okay, sweetie."

"But you're crying."

"Yea, I am."

". . . You crying because daddy's sick?"

She just nods.

Stella lifts her hand and attempts to dry Olivia's eyes. "Daddy's gonna be okay," she says with so much 5 year old conviction that Olivia can do nothing but smile.

_Out of the mouth of babes._

Zara climbs in bed behind her sister and rests her head on Olivia's pillow, tears evident in her own eyes.

"What are the two of you doing up?" she whispers with a raspy voice.

Zara shrugs. "We couldn't sleep . . . We wanna sleep with you."

"That's daddy's ring," Stella all but yells pointing to the band on Liv's thumb.

"How do you know?" Olivia asks despite herself.

"Because he always has it on. He says you have one too cuz all married people have to wear them, right?"

Olivia gives her daughters a small smile. "Right . . . Come 'ere."

Liv lifts Stella and gently sets her down on her opposite side then scoots closer to the center of the bed. As Stella lies her head on Olivia's chest, Liv's free arm slides under her other more stubborn daughter who refuses to come closer. Zara's a tough cookie, sometimes, and sometimes it's hard for Liv to believe that the little girl who is so much like her didn't actually come _from _her. It doesn't matter, either way; Zara belongs to her and her attitude right now just proves the fact.

"Come here, Zara," Liv softly demands.

Always the strong one, never wanting to be comforted—sounds painfully familiar. It's funny how just a minute ago, the child confessed to wanting to sleep with her mom and now her entire demeanor's changed. Her back's now turned away from her mom and sister and her eyes are filled with unshed tears.

"I just wanna lay here," Liv hears her say after moments of silence.

Her voice is so small and weak, so unlike her and it breaks Liv's heart to pieces. In spite of her daughter's unwillingness to cooperate, Olivia again scoots over so that she and Zara are merely a breath away from eachother. She rests a gently hand on Zara's arm as a small, whisper of a sob escapes the child's lips.

"It's okay to be sad, sweetie. I know you miss your daddy," she says, her voice cracking slightly. " . . . I miss him too."

Slowly, Zara turns back to Liv revealing a sad, tear stained face. She immediately presses her face against Olivia's chest, her tears now flowing freely.

"Is daddy gonna be okay mommy?" she asks after calming herself.

She's always promised herself she would never lie to her children, no matter how ugly the truth. She knows how it feels to be lied to. And she tries not to make promises she knows she can't keep. She likes to think that Nick will be fine, that he'll come out of this stronger than ever. Knowing that Nick is still fighting keeps her sane, keeps her going. And she likes to think that after all she's been through in her life that God will have pity on her, that he won't take away the best thing that's ever happened to her. But the truth is . . . she doesn't know what's going to happen. So she tells Zara the one thing that's keeping her going.

" . . . Your daddy," she begins resting her chin on the top of Zara's head, "is the strongest man I know. He's such a fighter . . . and he loves us **so **much . . . And I know, without a doubt in my mind, that he's doing everything he can to get back to you and Sammy and Stella and me."

She hears Zara sniffle. "You promise?"

Liv nods her head as if she's never been so sure of anything in her life. "I promise."

**FIN**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing, but Stella and Sammy of course.**

**End Note: I ended it on a hopeful note? Yes? I mean, you have to know that I would never kill off Nick, I love him. Even more so now that I've seen him in last week's episode sans shirt. Lol!**


End file.
